Your face is a jimmy john
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
