If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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