Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
