god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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