what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
