All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
