so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I could make wine with my vomit
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
