I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
