You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
