My hand turned me down
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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