I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
