haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
