at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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