I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
