If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
