the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had to cum in my sink.
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