dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
