Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
