I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
