Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
