Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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