You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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