Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
