My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
