She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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