is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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