she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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