I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
