So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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