im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
