is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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