Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
