is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
