Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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