Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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