he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
