idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
