All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
