Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
