8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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