I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
