I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
