just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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