dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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