I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
