The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
