Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
