so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just pee around me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My vagina is officially offended.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
