WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
