He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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