My room smells like vodka and shame
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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