It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
